Happy Holidays Everyone!

LAZIEST DUNK ATTEMPT EVER??

Michigan Ave Mag Holiday Party

Back away from the penny slots and get ready to get pretty sloshed! That was awful, I know. Michigan Avenue Magazine is having its In the Red Holiday Celebration on Thursday, 12/16/10 from 7 - 10pm at the Horseshoe Casino. I know what you're thinking, "The Horseshoe Casino ain't in the city fool!" You're right, but guess what? Shuttles will be available to transport you and the drunk cougar or sugar daddy that you hook up with, to and from the event.  I've received intel indicating that there's a free shuttle that departs at 6pm on Thursday from Tavern on Rush. It then departs Horseshoe at 9 or 11pm to come back to the city. Remember to Dress to Impress! RSVP and additional details below...

Moe's Cantina Grand Opening

Moe's Cantina is a new Mexican tapas restaurant in River North serving the finest blah and blah blah...just come to the party and get you some free alcohol and enchilada croquettes.

CLICK HERE for RSVP and additional details.

Moe's Cantina River North
155 W. Kinzie
8pm - 2am
Thursday, December 9th

You're Welcome!

Apparently 2010 was a really good year for BASH EVENTS and now they want to thank you for it! How so, you ask? With FREE BEER, FREE CALL DRINKS and a FREE FOOD BUFFET! Usdaiasdfljksduwerad~:)...whoops, I'm sorry. It's hard to type in the midst of an orgasm. Head over to Benchwarmers in Wrigleyville on Thursday, December 16, from 7 - 9pm and let the fun begin! It seems like everyone in Wrigleyville had a good year. Oh wait, nevermind. Maybe next year, right?

RSVP: party@bashevents.com

(Good for 4 people!)

Do it for the Kids

Casey Moran's is having its Annual Customer Appreciation Party to give an awkward high-five to all of its loyal patrons. Make your way over to the sparsely populated neighborhood of Wrigleyville (today is SARCASM DAY!) on Thursday, December 9th, from 7 - 9 pm to gorge on appetizers and libations. Oh wait, there's one caveat. You'll have to pay $5 at the door or donate a new toy to get in. I don't know why the toy has to be new. Teddy Ruxpin is hotter than all the new crap these kids are playing with today! Real talk! Normally I only post free events but this one is is cheap and it's for a good cause. Proceeds will benefit The Children's Memorial Hospital. You know iThug loves the kids...kinda.

Questions? Call 773-755-4444

Official Site: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116646891733629

Whole Foods Holiday Wine & Beer Festival

  
The Holiday Wine & Beer Festival is going down at Whole Foods on Thursday, December  9th from 4 - 8pm! Prepare your kidneys for an alcohol gangbang with over 300 wine and beer samples that will be available for your hedonistic pleasure. This event is free and there is no need to register...unless RSVP stands for Rapidly Sip Various Pinots. This one is going to get crowded so you might want to break out your Black Friday urban camping gear and pitch a tent near the magazine racks.

When: December 9th, 2010
Time: 4 - 8pm
Where: Whole Foods
1550 N Kingsbury St.
Chicago, IL 60622

Click link below to see official event details.

Wine and Dine at BOKA

"It smells like purple with the slightest hint of asbestos"

BOKA Restaurant is having a FREE wine tasting with complimentary appetizers on Tuesday, December 7th. They actually do this on a monthly basis so make sure you add it as a recurring event on your calendar. They'll have a contest where the person who has the most correct guesses during the blind tasting will receive a $100 gift certificate. I also heard that Don Imus will unveil a new bottle of cabernet sauvignon from his winery in Napa Valley called, you guessed it, "Napa Headed Hos". This is a STAY CLASSY EXCLUSIVE (not really)!

BOKA
1729 N. Halsted
Call 312-337-6070 to RSVP
(I hear that you can just show up without RSVPing and still participate so do whatever helps you sleep at night...)

New Theme

Yes, I changed my theme. No, that is not Chicago in the background of the top banner. Is it still sexy? Yes! Give me some feedback and let me know what you think.

[Waits for nothing but 2 spam comments to appear...]

Dear Thrillist, You Complete Me

I hope you're ready for another night of "I can't feel my face! LOL!" Thrillist's second annual Windy City Holiday Party is going down on Wednesday, December 15th from 7 - 10pm at Old Town Social. My best friends, Don Julio and Ciroc Obama, are gonna be there and you know it's always a party when they show up! DJ Whose Ipod Is This? will be spinning all night and Old Town Social will be serving passed hors d'ouevres, hopefully made with plenty of bread, crackers and/or cardboard to absorb all of the premium liquor.

When: Wednesday, 12/15/2010
Time: 7 - 10pm
Where: Old Town Social (455 W. North Avenue; about 2 blocks from the Brown Line Sedgwick stop)

Click here to RSVP!

WinterEscape

At first I thought this event was called "Winterscape" and I was confused because it is well known that winterscaping is the act of trimming your "nether hairs" into winter-inspired designs like snowflakes and christmas trees. Fortunately, I was mistaken...

Vitaminwater is sponsoring a sexy party at the W Hotel on Friday, 12/3/10. Hip Hop extraordinaire Lupe Fiasco will be on the turntables and there should be plenty of nutrient-enhanced tap water for you to drink after peeing the night away due to too many UV Vodka (hooray for liqour sponsors!) and tonics.  Why are you still reading this? Click the link below and RSVP NOW!

My Favorite Cologne is Scotch

I'm making a list and checking it twice:

Booze - CHECK
Food - CHECK
Blues - CHECK
Expensive perfume to distract the ladies from my booze smell - CHECK

Happy Holidays!

Saks Fifth Ave
Tuesday, December 14th
6 - 8pm

To RSVP shoot an email to RSVPchicago@s5a.com and specify "The Chicago Lighthouse"

iThug Love the Kids...Kinda

Head over to SUNDA in River North today with something for their holiday toy drive--I recommend a female condom or a bag of dead leaves--and receive a $20 gift card that you can use toward dinner. The toy drive runs through December 10th but they're having a cocktail reception TONIGHT, 11/26, from 5-7pm. What are you waiting for?? Click the link for more details!

NBA Jamboree

Put your thrice reheated Thanksgiving leftovers down and RSVP to see Kyle Korver, of the Chicago Bulls, at PHLI Store in Hyde Park. This event is sponsored by EA, Vitamin Water and Goose Island (BEER!) for the launch of the new NBA JAM game. See more details below...

Deck the Halls with Shots of Vodka

Ohhh snap! Svedka Vodka and CS Magazine have teamed up once again to enable my mid-week alcoholism. Be there or be sober!

RSVP: RSVPCHICAGO@modernluxury.com

Inebriated Inception

Time Out Chicago is sponsoring a screening of INCEPTION along with free booze, appetizers and music at Room 1520, one of the hottest new lofts in the West Loop! Is this a dream? Or is it a dream within a dream? Or is it a dream within a wet dream of I Dream of Genie?? I don't know but I'm pumped! I already saw the movie when it came out but it's certainly good enough for another viewing. Click HERE to RSVP!

Stay Classy, TSA

No free event updates but I found this entertaining. Enjoy!

Liquor in Wicker Park

Connect (art gallery? boutique? hermaphrodite social club?) is celebrating its second birthday. Head to Wicker Park for free cocktails, music and fashion.

Connect's Facebook Page 

 

1330 North Milwaukee Ave. Chicago, IL 60622

 

I have no idea when this starts. I had to do a google search just to find the damn address!

Volt or Die!

Surely by now you’ve heard of the Chevy Volt, right? GM’s first foray into the vehicular apocalypse of the future? Well get ready to drive that mofo at the Chevy Volt Exclusive Test Drive Experience All Up In Yo Face Event this Thursday! Have a few drinks, eat a couple snacks and whip that baby around the parking lot like a coked up soccer mom! Of course you should make sure you do each of those things in the exact opposite order in which I mentioned them...unless you’re a bad ass. Live music will also be provided and you’ll have a chance to meet Mike Senese from the Science Channel (WOWWOWWOW!). RSVP and details below!

Deliciously Vintage Boutique

Deliciously Vintage Boutique owners & Celeb  Fashion Stylists Law Roach and Siobhan Strong (awful/brilliant pornstar names?) invite you to join them in celebrating the launch of the revamped website for http://www.dvchicago.com/ and to preview the Winter Lookbook with their glam squad of: Tia Dantzler, Rukey Styles and Christopher & Blaq of Impakt Studios. Guests will enjoy complimentary cocktails and light appetizers.

If you’re like me you probably didn’t read or understand anything that I copied and pasted besides the last sentence. The NSFW flyer and RSVP details are below... 

Shop Till You're Hungover

Get yo wine and cheese on at Mali Jewelry (204 N. Michigan Ave.; 312-263-0326, malijewelry.com) on Friday, November 19th, from 5 to 9 p.m.; 25 percent off event proceeds go to YWCA-Chicago. I hope they have some nacho cheese so I can pour it inside my bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos.

For its one-year anniversary, M4Men (3525 N. Southport Ave.; 773-698-6407) takes up to 40 percent off merchandise and offers free gifts, drinks, snacks, and giveaways on Saturday, November 20th.

NoteworthyNotes (3629 N. Halsted St.; 773-661-1333, noteworthynotes.com) celebrates ten years with up to 40 percent off Thursday, November 18th, to Saturday, November 20th. The shop also features a cocktail reception on Thursday, November 18th, from 5:30 to 7 p.m. Nothing gets me pumped like martinis and personalized stationery to ruin with my spilled martinis.

Cynthia Rowley - Shoppin and Sippin

Skirt Public Relations is hosting a private shopping party at Cynthia Rowley with free cocktails on Thursday, 11/18/10 from 6-8pm.

 

Shopping and drinking, like shaving and dancing, is a dangerous combination. You start off having fun, but it always ends in bloodshed. Click below to RSVP if you’re interested.

Three Aces - Grand Opening Party

The grand opening party for Three Aces (1321 W. Taylor Street) is taking place on Thursday, November 18th.

There will be an OPEN BAR however it’s only open from 7 – 8pm. You know what that means, right? Get there early and don’t be ashamed to double fist.  Hors d’oeuvres will be passed around as well so get ready to stuff yourself with bleu cheese pork belly buttons on multigrain crackers. RSVP is required (click below).