Give Me a FAIR Shot

Head over to Province Restaurant on Tuesday, 2/1/11, to try FAIR, the new line up of "Fair Trade certified premium spirits". Enjoy a complimentary cocktail infused with FAIR Goji or Cafe Liqeur, or leave your daintiness at the door and chug a dirty martini with FAIR Quinoa Vodka.

Province Restaurant
161 N. Jefferson
Tuesday, 2/1/11 | 6 - 7 pm
http://www.fairtradespirits.com/North-America/

Didn't see anything about RSVP...

Aquarian Night Out!

It's time for another party at Vertigo Sky Lounge on Saturday, Jan 29th! This one is being thrown in honor of all the Aquarii out there but the free cocktails are for everyone! This will also be a day to celebrate the health of my liver. He's 75 in abused internal organ years and still going strong! RSVP and additional details below...

Heaven and Hell @ The Fifty/50

The Fifty/50 is teaming up with Metromix and the Red Eye to throw a Heaven and Hell Party with a themed costume contest and free alcohols on Friday, 1/28/11 @ 8pm! Whether you're a fastidious religionist or an unapologetic sinner (i.e. most of you) this is the party to go to. Of course I wouldn't post this if free food and alcohol weren't involved. There will be an open bar sponsored by Absolut with free cocktails and "Heaven" and "Hell" mini-burgers from 8 - 9pm. I heard the Heaven burgers are hand-made by the personal chef of St. Peter and the Hell burgers are actually Arby's sandwiches. See more details below...

Taste My Heinie

Heineken and Mystic Celt, the Irish pub in Lakeview founded by a secret cult of clairvoyant leprechauns, are teaming up to throw a Heineken Draft Tasting party. Free beer AND an appetizer buffet sounds like a winner to me, but don't get sassy with the leprechauns. They carry switchblades and they're not very tall so they will aim for your crotch. Stay on your toes...or get on your knees to make it a fair fight.


Heineken Tasting & Appetizer Buffet
Mystic Celt
3443 N Southport Ave
Wednesday, January 26th
7-9pm


Click HERE to RSVP

Your Life is Now Complete!

Modern Art

The Merchandise Mart is opening its doors to the public to unveil its FIRST EVER ART GALLERY!

[pause for orgasm]

This event will take place on Thursday, Jan 27th at 6:30pm. More details and RSVP below!

Absolut Wild Tea

Absolut is celebrating the release of its new flavor, Absolut Wild Tea, at Venue One tonight. Wild Tea and vodka? WTF? It's only a matter of time before they have a vodka sports drink. Be on the lookout for Absolut Athlét.

Introducing...Absolut Wild Tea
Monday, January 24
9pm - 12am

Venue One
1044 W. Randolph St

RSVP to absolutwildteachi@legacymp.com

Hit the G-Spot

The Chicago Dramatists have a new play coming out called "Bordello", and they're celebrating with a night of free drinks and hors d'oeuvres at the G Boutique in Bucktown. G Boutique is a place where ladies can stock up on lingerie, erotica, sex toys, videos, office supplies and other sexy goods with out the weird, sleazy atmosphere of a typical men's sex shop. Make your way to G Boutique to cavort with the cast of the show and buy something erotic while you're there. All proceeds benefits the Chicago Dramatists. This event is free but they'll take donations at the door if you're in a giving mood (sexually?)

G Boutique
131 North Damen Avenue, Bucktown
Friday, Jan 21st | 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM
773-235-1234

Celebrate Waitangi - The New Zealand Wine Fest

The Kenmore Live Studio series will host a show in honor of Waitangi Day, the New Zealand holiday for [click here to find out what it's about] on February 5th, 2011. Of course this wine fest shouldn't be confused with the New Zealand Whine Fest, when scores of New Zealanders ran outside with torches and pitchforks to protest the relocation of Peter Jackson's "The Hobbit" [mostly true story].

Culinary experts from Sunda will prepare several dishes paired with various sexually curious wines and share them, along with recipes and tips, to everyone in the studio audience (must be 21+ to attend, duh). The entire event will also be streamed live on Facebook so try not to get so drunk that you pass out and wake up with a scrotum drawn on your face with a permanent marker. Waitangi brings the frat boy out of everyone. See RSVP and additional info below.

Heat Up Tweet Up

You know what's a great combination? Chili, hot apple cider and hot chocolate. Especially if you're fond of having awful gas when you go to bed.  Throughout the week of Jan 17th Rockit Bar and Grill is celebrating its 3rd Annual ChiliFest with unique chili recipes served at both locations (River North and Wrigleyville).  Additionally, Rockit Wrigleyville is having its Heat Up Tweet Up event on Friday, Jan 21st from 7 - 9pm. RSVP to sample various sexy chili concoctions and warm up with hot beverages for FREE!

Rockit Bar and Grill - Wrigleyville
3700 North Clark Street
Heat Up Tweet Up
Friday, Jan 21st | 7 - 9pm
RSVP to manny@rockitbarandgrill.com

Free Dessert on Public House

The folks behind Bull & Bear just opened up a new joint last week, Public House, and they're pulling out all the stops to encourage people to check it out. DJ Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan's ex-lady lover, will be on the turntables on Saturday, 1/15 at 11pm. Additionally the restaurant/bar is having a FREE dessert tasting on Tuesday, Jan 18th from 6 - 8 pm. Listed below are some of the desserts that Public House will offer courtesy of dessert mastermind, Mindy Segal. Sadly the delicacy* in the picture above is not available for sampling, nor is it legal or safe to eat.

Fire and Ice

The Dana Hotel is throwing a party on Friday, January 14th to celebrate the opening of the Ice Bar in the Vertigo Sky Lounge. Not familiar with Vertigo Sky Lounge? It's the super sexy indoor/outdoor rooftop lounge on top of the Dana. While most sidewalk and rooftop patios are closed for the next several months Vertigo is wide open and ready for business, just the way Charlie Sheen likes it.

Head over to the launch party and warm yourself internally with the hour-long hosted champagne bar. In addition to free bubbly, Vertigo will also provide faux-fur blankets, robes and firepits to ensure that you're as a warm as a mistress in Vladimir Putin's love nest.

A Wet Dream Come True

LUSH Wine and Spirits in University Village is having its 5th Anniversary Party on Friday, January 14th! That's right, a liquor store is throwing a party with free booze! This event is absolutely free so expect it to get crowded like the Red Line at rush hour before a Cubs game with a Dave Matthews Band performance.

Lush Wine and Spirits
5th Anniversary Party
Free Wine, Beer and Appetizers

1257 S. Halsted
Friday, Jan 14th | 7:00 - 9:00pm
RSVP to rachel@lushwineandspirits.com

Blokes and Booze

Blokes and Birds is throwing a party to celebrate the new season of You're Cut Off! This is apparently another dumb reality show on VH1. I wonder what else VH1 has in store for us this year? How about Homelessly in Love starring Ted Williams, America's favorite vagabond?

Sponsors of this event include Absolut Wild Tea, Louis Glunz Wines, Evan Williams Kentucky Bourbon and Sarah Palin's Moose Juice (banned in all 50 states). Sounds like a winner!

Blokes and Birds
3343 N. Clark St
Wednesday, January 19th
RSVP @ timeoutchicago.com/VH1

Manliness Squared

You know what's manlier than smoking a cigar and drinking scotch? That's actually a really good question. Perhaps taming a dragon and catching a Great White Shark with your bare hands and then using the dragon's fire breath to flamebroil the shark would be slightly manlier, but no one has accomplished that task without the heavy consumption of LSD.

HALO [FOR MEN], the modern man's grooming lounge, is previewing an exclusive new line of menswear from Sebastien Grey Clothiers.  More importantly there will be plenty of 12, 18 and 25-year old Scotch from Chivas, appetizers and cigars to ensure that you have enough props to reenact your favorite scene from Mad Men.

HALO [FOR MEN]
70 W. Madison (Enter on Clark)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
6 - 8pm (Get there early because this place is REALLY small and it might get packed)
RSVP to events@zapwater.com or 773-486-4646

Classy and Cheap

This isn't something that I'm going to do all the time but going forward if I come across a great deal (i.e. coupons for the breakfast buffet at the strip club) I might be inclined to share it. Mamapedia, another one of those shared deal sites like Groupon, BuyWithMe and LivingSocial, is offering an AMC Gold Experience™ Ticket for only $4! The Gold ticket allows you to see any movie at any time at any AMC theater without having to dip in your child's college fund to afford it!

Do you know how much it costs to see a movie downtown at the AMC theaters? $11.50! Do you know what you could ask an illegal immigrant to do for $11.50?? The possibilities are limitless! Usually I can get AMC Gold tickets for $8, which is a great deal in itself, but this discount is BANANAS! Of course it's limited to 1 ticket per person but if you want to save some money you should get on this.

Click here to take advantage of this deal! (Offer expires in 2 days)

Cupcake Fetish

No, this post doesn't involve alcohol but it still has the next best thing--CUPCAKES! It might not be a far stretch to say cupcakes are the new Air Jordan sneakers. They come in all types of colors, everybody wants them and you can lose your life for a pair. These days you can eat them in boutiques, you can buy them off of trucks and you can shoot them directly into your bloodstream to achieve dessert nirvana intravenously.

The California-based cupcake chain, Sprinkles, is giving away samples of its new flavor, German Chocolate, on Tuesday, 1/11/11, from 7 - 9 pm. I probably won't make it to this one but let me know if they have some Hennessy or malt liquor cupcakes. I need those gangsta sweets. RSVP HERE!

Sprinkles
50 East Walton Street
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
7 - 9pm

Free Drinks @ The Southern on 1/11

The Southern--Bucktown's "kickass bar with comfort food"--is having a liquor celebration for all of its faithful Twitter junkies and Facebook philanders. Since this place is called The Southern I assume they'll be serving some of that Sizzurp aka Lean aka That Purple Stuff that's all the rage down south. You can head to their Facebook page to RSVP.

The Southern
1840 w North ave Chicago
Tuesday, Jan 11, 2011
5-7pm
http://www.facebook.com/TheSouthernChi

Start the Year with Scotch!

Get ready for yet another Dewar's Scotch Tasting! This one is at Cityscape Bar in the Holiday Inn Chicago Mart Plaza. Dewar's is cool and all but I'm waiting for Skol Vokda to have a tasting. It's only a matter of time before they introduce new revolutionary flavors such as Skol Avocado & Pomegranate, Skol Eggnog and Gluten-Free Skol. Watch out McCormick and POPOV vodka! Competition in the shamefully cheap vodka market is about to heat up!

This event is free but I'm not sure if you have to RSVP. Check out this blog for more details: http://blastmarketing.wordpress.com/

Where: Cityscape Bar
www.cityscapebar.com Holiday Inn Mart Plaza – 15th Floor
350 W. Mart Center Drive
312.836.5000

When: 1/17/11 and 2/7/11
Time: 5:00pm - 7:00pm